About 15 years ago I was under the impression that all was good with my life and that all of my friendships and ministry relationships were all good and solid. Then I had a curious dream.

In the dream I was walking on a footpath towards a major crossroad (the corner of Springvale Road and Burwood Highway in Melbourne, to be exact) when suddenly the wind behind me blew up all of this rubbish and I looked behind me to see the sky rapidly turning dark and gigantic storm clouds gathered. The storm was bearing down upon me and my first instinct was to run for cover and so I ran towards a light but before I could escape I was lifted off the ground and carried far away, and placed gently on a sandy beach. I woke from the dream and pondered its obvious prophetic significance, but I could see no storm clouds brewing in my own life.

A few months later, as I walked into my office one morning, I had the immediate impression that the Lord was waiting for me there to tell me something very important. So I closed the door, picked up my Bible and sat down and quieted myself, ready to listen and document what the Lord was about to say to me. And then, just as I had felt, the Word of the Lord came to me.

The Lord led me to scripture after scripture that all had the same slightly alarming theme: Brothers were going to forsake me. Friends were going to betray me. I was to put no confidence in man… and even my closest relationships would fail. It was a deeply sobering and disturbing word, ominous in its implications, and one that frankly I struggled to believe. At the time I had a great bunch of friends, a family that was the envy of many and I had solid ministry partnerships that spanned three continents. But this was the Lord speaking so I wrote it all down, prayed about it, and even shared it with a few of my trusted friends. And then nothing happened… for 6 months.

When things did begin to go awry it still took me by surprise. Some of my dearest friends and ministry colleagues began making decisions that appeared to lack integrity and motivated by jealousy and self interest which had serious implications for projects that I was managing. As I attempted to address these, allies turned to enemies who circulated concocted lies, which spilled over into other associations and put pressure on other relationships. It seemed like a cascading domino effect was in play that I had no control and I was being carried away by a storm that had overtaken me. By the end of that period I was aware that:
a) The Lord had seen it coming way before I did.
b) I had made the almost fatal mistake of placing way too much of my confidence in flesh and blood.
c) Every word of the Lord proves true, even if there appears no evidence to support it at the time. And,
d) I was actually dealing with some very evil malevolent forces who were determined to use any means possible to exploit my vulnerabilities to take me down.

I was a bit slow to realise that part, but when three different people on three different continents use the exact same unusual phrase to formally and permanently terminate their relationship with you, you know that there’s either been conspiracy and collusion, or they’re all dancing to the same demonic puppet master.

The forewarning that I had received did nothing to reduce the pain of that chapter of my life nor to divert the disaster, but it did provide me with the critical life-saving perspective that I needed to be able to understand what was going on… something that would have surely destroyed me had I not known. These attacks went straight to my particular weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

The forewarning that I had received did nothing to reduce the pain of that chapter of my life nor to divert the disaster, but it did provide me with the critical life-saving perspective that I needed to be able to understand what was going on…

In any case, as is always the case with the Lord, what man and the devil intended for my harm, God ultimately intended for my good, though it literally almost cost me everything and redefined all of my relationships. It was a watershed chapter in my life that changed everything, tested my trust in God to the core and altered the trajectory of my life. But like most trials that are intended by the enemy to burn our house to the ground, destructive fire ultimately serves also to refine us. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right? As the scriptures say, our faith, though perishable, is tested by fire. (1 Peter 1:7)

And I’d like to say that I’d got to this point in my life through quiet faith and patient endurance. But no.

Obviously there’s much more to the story than I’m able (or willing) to tell here. And I’d like to say that I’d got to this point in my life through quiet faith and patient endurance. But no. I fought and resisted God. I complained. I protested. I blamed God. Like an animal strapped to the sacrificial altar I writhed and resisted… I was not happy to be there. I did not want to die. Then I wanted to die. I didn’t want to quietly trust in God and I was reduced to tears every day. For three years! And the Lord, in His tender mercy, understood me. He was patient with me. He was gentle with me. And during the times when I was making choices that many would not have considered right or appropriate, I was actually walking in unbroken communion and communication with God in a way that proved to me the reality of His steadfast love and limitless grace. It was deep fellowship with Him in suffering and abiding under the wings of His grace. It was during this time that I most deeply understood that glorious truth that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ”. And, “Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn?” And “Who shall separate us from the love of God? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or… ?” (Romans 8:1; 33-37)

Since those difficult days God has been blessing and restoring me incrementally. At the time of writing I still cry occasionally, though far less frequently now because the Lord has comforted me and restored my life with good things. I’m bigger, my heart is bigger, than it used to be. Another part of it has been removed, torn away and then surgically repaired by the master physician.

So why am I sharing this? From someone who has been through such a dark chapter in my life I think it’s very important to know that some trials in life are not minor or trivial. Some will actually test us to our core and plumb the depths of what we’re made of and reveal all kinds of hidden inadequacies. It’s also good to know that when we’re going through trials we’re not the only ones to experience that and there are people who have been through similar situations and have come out the other side. Just like Job in the Bible who endured such severe and prolonged trials, God’s purpose is to refine us and bless us in the end, even when it appears that the enemy has his way for a season. It’s all about having a hope that transcends the here and now. That’s the hope we have in Messiah. His steadfast love is new every morning. His mercies never come to an end.

It’s all about having a hope that transcends the here and now. That’s the hope we have in Messiah. His steadfast love is new every morning. His mercies never come to an end.