January 26, 2017.

While the rest of Australia were celebrating Australia Day, my wife and I were in the new Bendigo hospital going through the gut-wrenching realisation that we’d actually lost the baby at 12 weeks.  

Miscarriages are not all that uncommon, but they’re seldom talked about openly.  For those who go through it there’s an undeniable sense of a precious life lost, but it’s all too often a lonely and private grieving, without community support, acknowledgement of loss, or the ceremonies that our culture affords to the deaths of those who have lived longer lives.  Like so many other parents, we grieved privately, discussed a name for our baby, committed her (or him) to the Lord and encouraged ourselves with the hope of seeing our baby in heaven some day.  I felt strongly that it was a girl, although we really had no way of knowing for sure. 

Losing a baby also marks the death of a lot of other things too.  Expectations, dreams and and hopes, to name a few.  For Daniel at the age of 5 it was both confusing and sorrowful.  One day Mummy was pregnant and a baby was coming, then all of a sudden she’s not pregnant anymore, and there’s no baby coming.  We did our best to explain and to impart to him a sense of hope based upon trusting in God’s wisdom and the consolation that comes from our relationship with Him.  And Daniel accepted it as best he could.  But there was no denying that he was really looking forward to having a new baby brother or sister and had his hopes set on that.

Some time later we got the happy news that friends of ours had welcomed a new baby girl.  There’s always mixed feelings when something like that follows immediately after a personal loss.  Of course you share the joys of your friends, without hesitation, but it can also reawaken the sense of loss that you’ve experienced.  Adults tend to cope as best as they can with that, but I didn’t realise the extent to which that also effected Daniel until he came to talk to me. The new baby girl also happened to be the new baby sister of his best friend, Matthew. 

“Dad, why is it that good things happen to other people and not to us?”

When Daniel came to me he was looking sad and he asked a simple, honest question: “Dad, why is it that good things happen to other people and not to us?” I put my arm around him and paused to consider my response. At first I really didn’t know what to say, but I was hoping and praying that some comforting wisdom from God might flow through me like a gentle breeze to bring comfort to my son. Daniel didn’t need to tell me what he was talking about and I also knew that no simple or glib answer would do. It was a serious question that required an honest answer that acknowledged the both the gravity and validity of all that Daniel was feeling.

Finally I said, “Daniel, I honestly don’t know why these things happen. But I do know two things for sure: Firstly, we can tell God how we feel. And, secondly, we can tell God what we want. Daniel thought about what I said and he seemed satisfied with that answer for now. Then he went off to think about it and, presumably, to have an honesty session with the Lord about all that he was feeling.

Finally I said, “Daniel, I honestly don’t know why these things happen. But I do know two things for sure: Firstly, we can tell God how we feel. And, secondly, we can tell God what we want. Daniel thought about what I said and he seemed satisfied with that answer for now. Then he went off to think about it and, presumably, to have an honesty session with the Lord about all that he was feeling.

One of the great blessings of being a Christian father is seeing genuine faith develop in your children as they begin to seek God and as you pray and entrust them to the Lord. Prior to this we had been observing how Daniel was beginning to form his own independent relationship with God. In fact, in the middle of the night a few months before, Daniel had come into our room and woken us up, telling is that Jesus had appeared to him in a dream, surrounded by angels. Daniel reported to us that Jesus spoke to him and gave him some firm instructions: “Get your Mum and Dad to read the Bible to you everyday!” So, in child-like obedience, Daniel had got out of bed and had come to us, insisting that we get a Bible and start immediately. Yes, at about 3am in the morning! And yes, we have been doing that everyday before bedtime since. Not long after that, we were driving home from his grandparent’s place and Daniel announced from the back seat that he had made the decision to get baptised, which took us a little by surprise since we had not even been discussing it. A discussion ensued about what all of that really meant and what that would involve and I instructed Daniel that I would agree to it on the condition that he understood what it meant to repent for his sins, that he truly believed in Jesus, and if he was willing to commit to following Jesus and make a public declaration of his faith in front of all of his friends. I privately thought that might deter him for a while until he was a bit older, but Daniel remained determined and intent upon getting baptised, so we managed to borrow access to the neighbour’s spa and we all gathered around. Upon Daniel’s profession of faith in Christ, I baptised him.

After my talk with Daniel about his sadness at losing the baby I was not too surprised that he took my words to heart and went away and thought seriously about it. After a while he came back to me and said, “Dad, I have decided what I am going to ask God for. I’m praying that Mummy has two babies at once!”

I smiled. It’s not at all wrong to tell the Lord what we really want and I certainly wasn’t going to extinguish Daniel’s developing faith by telling him that was never going to happen. After all, on so many other occasions I tried to encouraged others by quoting the words of Jesus: “All things are possible for them that believe.”

I didn’t give it too much more thought until my wife informed me one day that she thought she was pregnant again – something that a test confirmed. When the time came around for the ultrasound my only thought was the hope that my wife and new child be in good health and under good care for the duration of the pregnancy. And when Hanan came from the appointment and informed me that the ultrasound revealed two babies, I really thought that she was just having a joke with me – until she showed me the image from the ultrasound clearly showing two! Two!! That set my head spinning a bit (and to be honest, it’s still spinning a bit!)

Jordan and Johanna’s birth was not without a little drama. Johanna was born first amidst much excitement and anticipation. Then about a minute later Jordan was born. He was not breathing and as the seconds ticked by without him taking his first breath a “code blue” was called and more staff rushed into the theatre. The other nursing staff were trying to distract us with Johanna but I could see what was going on. I stepped away from them saying, “Excuse me, I have to go and pray for my son”. Jordan was surrounded by medical staff trying to get him to breathe and I pushed into a gap and laid hands on him and asked the Lord for His Spirit to touch him, be upon him and then I thanked the Lord that He had heard my prayer and stepped back as the staff whisked him away to the Special Care Unit, still not breathing. But a few minutes later we got that welcome news that Jordan was breathing normally by himself by the time they arrived. Thankfully Hanan was preoccupied and oblivious to all of that drama so she was mercifully spared that in her delicate state immediately after giving birth.

And so that’s how we received our double blessing, after a period of inexplicable sorrow and loss. Time and again the Lord has mercifully proven His steadfast love and faithfulness to us through good times and difficult times. The Bible promises us that, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning”. It’s also worth noting that this promise comes to us through the Book of Lamentations in the Bible… a book that follows the prophet Jeremiah during a period of great trouble and sorrow in Israel. And so it is with God, that even though we may be passing through deep and excruciating trials, the promises of God are never far from us.

Are you a believer? Would you like a closer relationship with God? I suggest that you get hold of a Bible and start reading about Jesus in the gospel of John. The Bible is sometimes a closed book to all but the sincere seeker, so I also encourage you to get alone with God and have a completely honest conversation with Him about your life and tell Him that you want to know the truth, and that you’re willing to follow the truth wherever that may lead. God bless you in your journey of discovery!