East Africa:

Most people in Australia might know Chuck Norris as Walker, Texas Ranger.  The American tough-guy action hero has had a long and successful career starring in many movies.  And whilst I feel that I bear very little resemblance to the famous actor, everywhere I go throughout East Africa, children often wave to me calling, “Hey, Chuck Norris!”

Maybe it’s the way I sometimes dress when travelling. I like to wear my leather hat to protect me from the sun, a pair of sunglasses for equally practical reasons, and my Aussie Blundstone hiking boots.  I also like to wear shirts with double pockets and comfortable blue jeans.  In those days I also had a beard and shoulder length brown hair, so I am guessing that to African eyes (maybe we all look the same to them?) I might very well have looked like Walker, Texas Ranger!

At first I assumed that this association with Chuck Norris was limited to children.  I first became aware of this in Eastern Uganda when I rode a motorcycle past a group of children playing soccer.  Upon seeing me they all forgot about the ball and came running after me calling, “Hey, Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris!”  Later I discovered that this cry would be echoed again and again in streets, marketplaces and bus stops all over east Africa.  I was puzzled at first, but it made a whole lot more sense to me when I finally got around to watching a few Chuck Norris movies and understood how popular those movies were throughout Africa.  Chuck Norris’s on-screen signature trademark, of course, is all about dispatching bad-guys with his fists and feet — a martial arts skill which has earned him a reputation both on and off the screen.   Interestingly, I later also learned that Chuck Norris is a believer.

Upon seeing me they all forgot about the ball and came running after me calling, “Hey, Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris!” 

There have been a few occasions in Africa where the Chuck Norris connection has been useful.  Like on my first night in Nairobi, Kenya.  I had arrived in the city late in the afternoon and was very tired after the long, bone-jarring, bus ride through the Rift Valley from neighbouring Uganda.  Upon arrival I found the nearest cheap hotel, went into my room and crashed onto the bed, completely exhausted.  By the time I woke it was after 10pm and I was hungry and thirsty.  I shook myself awake and ventured out onto the street to look for a place to eat.

I don’t mind roughing it when it comes to accommodation and transport, but I’m very fussy about what I eat.  Experience has taught me that it’s not fun being sick when you travel and simply watching what you eat and drink can avert a lot of disaster.   As I stepped out on the street I realised only then that I was actually in a seedy part of town.  How did I know that? Because before I had taken ten steps outside my hotel I’d had three offers from local prostitutes hoping to secure my business.  They presented no temptation at all and I wondered how anyone could be tempted given that this part of the world was also HIV central.

As I walked along the street I didn’t have to walk far to find something I could eat, but I must have walked for more than a kilometre before I found something that I was willing to eat. As a man of slightly above-average height, I’ve never had cause to feel unsafe at night in any city that I’ve been to. I’d always assumed that I just didn’t fit the common demographic of people who get into trouble… I don’t drink, I don’t attend night-clubs, and I don’t go looking for fights. And to would-be thieves, maybe my size and stature has served as a natural deterrent to some degree. 

Nairobi has been called Nairobbery, by many travellers.  And it’s a reputation that is well deserved!  One of my associates, on her very first trip to Kenya, had just arrived at Nairobi and as she was leaving the airport a thief ran up to her in broad daylight, boldly tore the necklace from around her neck, and ran away into the crowd!  So given all that I knew about this, maybe I actually should have taken the potential dangers more seriously.  After all, here was I, an apparently ‘wealthy westerner’,  by myself at night on the crowded streets in a dangerous part of town with no-one to watch my back.  Whether it was faith or presumption, or a bit of both, I was under the impression that I was not in any real danger.

But as my walk continued along crowded streets, past hotels and noisy night-clubs, I began to feel that getting back to my hotel would probably be the wisest course of action, so I turned and headed back in that direction.  As I walked I found myself approaching a gang of very big, very tall and very muscular African men who were standing with arms crossed directly in my path with no apparent inclination to move. They looked me up and down defiantly as I approached, not giving any sign of their willingness to step aside for me at all.  I maintained eye-contact with them, just in case I needed to take some kind of defensive action, whilst at the same time not really knowing what I might do if they decided to relieve me of my wallet — or perhaps something worse.

As I approached they all watched me intently and then, surprisingly, all stepped aside and let me walk through their midst.  I gave them a nod of thanks and kept walking, and as I walked away one of them called, “Hey… Chuck Norris!” I just put my hand up and waved and didn’t look back.  It wasn’t until I reflected on what had happened later that considered the possibility that Chuck Norris, through the providence of God, might have played a key role in my protection that night!

On a later trip to East Africa some comments on the street reminded again of the Chuck Norris connection.  So I decided to mischievously venture into a video store where I perused the action movie titles as the shopkeeper watched me in disbelief.  After seeing that there were no Chuck Norris movies available to rent I told the attendant, “I’m disappointed that you don’t have any of my movies”, to which he replied, without asking for any clarification, “I’m sorry… we will get some more!”  Nothing more was said and I walked out with the sneaking suspicion that he’d soon be on the phone telling all of his friends that Mr Norris had just visited his store!

Regardless of the dangers, I have found that it is fairly easy to travel safely within Africa – especially if you take advantage of the local knowledge and stay away from trouble spots.  But sometimes it is also easy to do things that are unwise that can get you into real danger.  Such was the case one evening on the edge of Kampala (Uganda) when I felt the need to go out, stretch my legs and get some fresh air.  It was pitch black and I decided to walk up a stretch of new road nearby that had not yet been opened to the public.  As I walked I enjoyed the cooler evening air and was having a prayer time in an attempt to unburden my soul about some things that had been bothering me.  I had walked some distance when I heard some rustling in the grass off to the side of the road, and then four armed men emerged with AK-47s and rifles and they encircled me with a torch shining in my face and demanded to know what I was doing there at night.  Not wanting to give in to my alarm, and certainly not wanting to reveal to them how alarmed I was, I replied by cheerfully greeting them and telling them the simple truth: “I’m just out for a walk to pray and get some fresh air”.

The ringleader who was holding an AK-47 wanted to appear in control and he appeared to enjoy the idea of having an opportunity to interrogate a white man at gun-point.

The ringleader who was holding an AK-47 wanted to appear in control and he appeared to enjoy the idea of having an opportunity to interrogate a white man at gun-point.  “Why are you here? And why don’t you go to church and pray?” he demanded.  I replied, “I just like to pray and walk at night and, God is everywhere, so why not?  What are you guys doing here? And why the guns?”  He informed me that they were security guards employed to guard the expensive earth moving equipment that was apparently parked somewhere nearby in the darkness.  That made some sense.  But whether they were security or not, it didn’t ease my concerns.  These guys looked hardened and rough and they enjoyed brandishing their weapons. And I was alone at night in a place without any witnesses.  It would have been the easiest thing for them to knock me on the head (or shoot me), rob me and bury me in a ditch on the roadside, and the image of that possibility was beginning to creep into my mind just as one of the guards felt bold enough to put his hand out and ask me for some money for drinks.  Whilst it would have been unwise to refuse, I wasn’t about to open my wallet either.  But before I could respond the ringleader added some intimidation into the mix, “Aren’t you afraid walking in the dark at night? Don’t you know that someone could rob you and kill you and no-one would ever know?”  

Now, had I actually been Chuck Norris, this is the critical moment when I would have grabbed the barrel of the AK-47, swung around with a full roundhouse kick taking all them down in one swift assault, leaving them sprawled on the ground and me holding the assault rifle! But no, this wasn’t Hollywood and I was no Chuck Norris!

Now, had I actually been Chuck Norris, this is the critical moment when I would have grabbed the barrel of the AK-47, swung around with a full roundhouse kick taking all them down in one swift assault, leaving them sprawled on the ground and me holding the assault rifle! But no, this wasn’t Hollywood and I was no Chuck Norris!

But the gravity of my situation was hitting me and I was feeling a little surge of adrenaline. Quietly and desperately I asked the Lord for some wisdom.  Then immediately it was clear what I should say:  I replied confidently, “But why should I be afraid? God is here with me.  And I’ve also got you guys here to protect me.  No, I don’t have anything to be afraid of!” 

They were visibly surprised by my response on two counts:  Firstly, that I shown no fear at their attempts at intimidation.  And secondly, that I had actually affirmed them and acknowledged their power and the legitimacy of their authority.  (In fact, what I was doing was both acknowledging their authority and reminding them that it was given to them by God for a purpose that should not to be abused!)  They all smiled with delight and and seemed to enjoy that moment of respect and recognition.  But I also knew that this change of heart might not last long, so I reached into my pockets and grabbed a handful of small change, and said, “Look, you guys have been out here all night.  Why don’t you go and buy yourselves something to drink… and keep up the good work!” And with that, I quickly said goodbye and turned and walked off into the darkness in the direction I had come, leaving the armed men to count the money I had given them by torchlight. 

I arrived safely back at my lodgings and thanked the Lord for getting me out of such a sticky situation.  And I also determined to be a little wiser in the future! After all, when you can’t fight like Chuck Norris, peaceful alternatives are even more important!

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6